


Love At First Sight… It’s Like The Recoil Of A Gun Fired For The First Time –Unexpected, Hot, And A Full Body Jerk That Knocks The Air From The Lungs

by DeathsLastPrayer



Series: A Series of Unrelated Events Starring Jean x Eren [14]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Cautious!Eren, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gift Fic, Love at First Sight, M/M, Romatic!Jean, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-05-14 06:17:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5732512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeathsLastPrayer/pseuds/DeathsLastPrayer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Which: Jean Falls in love with an emotionally scarred Eren at first sight because they're soulmates and he knows it right away but Eren doesn't so Jean has to work with and around that (and he's so doomed). Or, the one where Jean forsakes his pride for the sake of love and it turns out to be the right choice -for him and Eren.</p><p>One of those "soulmates with matching marks" deals!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Doomed From The Start But It's Probably For The Best

**Author's Note:**

  * For [laynacakes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laynacakes/gifts).



> Suduper late Christmas gift fic to my beloved [laynacakes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laynacakes/pseuds/laynacakes)! She prompted this story and idea and I couldn't help it! Love you [Laylay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laynacakes/pseuds/laynacakes)! 
> 
> Also, this is a two-shot!

* * *

#####  I. 

* * *

  
  


It happens on a Wednesday in the middle of July at 1:17PM when Jean’s taking a smoke break. 

It happens downtown, right in front of the office he works at and he’s standing there just glancing around while he’s trying to light his lucky lighter but the lucky piece of shit isn’t cooperating and it’s hot as all fuck out so Jean just wants to smoke and get back inside and- 

And it’s the heat that really makes it happen. Makes Jean want something cold to drink and causes his gaze to stray to the little coffee pagoda in the middle of the courtyard –the one right next to the fountain. 

If it weren’t for the heat and the bead of sweat dripping down the side of his face and his lucky lighter not lighting and the urge to drink something cool –if it weren’t for all of those things, Jean probably would’ve missed him. 

But, on account of all of those things, he doesn’t. 

So Jean spots him –the person that makes his heart malfunction because it constricts and stops and hammers away at a speed so fast that he’s 100 percent certain that his heart isn’t beating at all. And then there’s the whole breathing issue where he straight up chokes on air, which makes him sputter and cough and the cigarette dangling from his lips falls to the ground. He has to scramble to pick it up but he doesn’t let his gaze stray from that beautiful, beautiful person walking over to the coffee pagoda. 

Jean’s absolutely captivated. By dark chocolate hair and corneas like stained glass –vibrant and three shades of green-blue-gold that blend into something breathtaking. By pink lips. By a slender body that makes Jean feel like he’d fit so perfect in his arms and he hasn’t even touched him. They haven’t said one word or shared one glance. 

But the feeling is overwhelming. Reminiscent of being sucker punched in the gut and needing to just keel over and figure out “what the fuck just happened” or “why” because- what the fuck? 

What the fuck **_is_** happening? 

Jean has this vague feeling that he knows exactly what the fuck is going on and why and how but his mind isn’t working in his favor. No. Just rampant emotions and this unyielding instinct to walk over and make those eyes look his way. Or turn that sexy and gentle smile away from the girl behind the counter and towards himself. 

His instincts must be heeding the emotions that aren’t connecting with logical thought because, before he even has a clear plan of action or approach, he’s across the courtyard and standing behind his current fixation awkwardly. Teal eyes snap to focus on Jean as a dark brow cocks and that gorgeous elated expression starts to fall and he has to think of something- “Either of you happen to have a light?” Fuck. 

That’s what he says? **_That_** is what his brain makes his lips part to utter and it sounds like the worst sort of line- 

“Lemme borrow a cigarette and you’ve got a deal.” That voice –sinewy honey and thick and crisp and pure _sex_. Confident and challenging. It’s the type of voice that could get a person to do damn near anything under the sun. 

Jean knows for a fact that, right now, he’s not an exception to that bizarre rule but, there’s still a piece of himself that has enough control to ask, “How, exactly, does someone borrow a cigarette?” 

The laugh that bursts from parted lips instantly liquefies every bone in Jean’s body. It makes him feel heavy and sluggish as something warm settles in his gut. Makes him **_want_** all the more. 

He’s so doomed. 

“Fine. If you lemme bum one, I’ll give you a light. I’ll even let you keep the lighter.” 

“Deal.” If he sounds a bit eager, he can blame it on the fact that he’s just happy to have a light. Finally. 

The reality of it all is that he’s just happy he hasn’t fucked anything up and he still gets the chance to talk to the magnetic force beside him and- And he’ll definitely figure this shit out if it kills him. 

For now… for now, he fishes around his back pocket for his crumpled pack and feels lucky when he snags it because there are two left. Two. He forks one over, ignores the way his hand tingles when the pads of lean fingers snag the loose cigarette. 

“Eren!” 

Jean glances at the beauty behind the counter who eyes him in turn before she glances at “Eren”. 

“Ah, thanks! Just, gimme one second. I’ll meet you by the fountain in one second, yeah?” 

Jean nods and heads over to the fountain. Again, that voice and tone and tenor and –yes. It’s definitely the sort of voice that would’ve convinced him to wait a millennia by the fountain. But that has to be the irrational, stomach churning, mind numbing, breath snatching piece of himself that’s getting swept along by an irrationality that’s driving him crazy. Has to be. 

Yet, he still lets that irrationality goad him into watching as Eren and the girl exchange words and glances –glances that occasionally stray towards him. If only he knew what they were saying… A thought that vanishes when Eren looks his way and starts walking and only stops when he can bend down –brings their faces close but just to the point where their cigarettes kiss and they burn together beneath the lighter’s flame. 

Eren leans back and plops down beside Jean. He smiles wistfully, inhales like those toxins are his lifeline, and sighs like he just shoved the world off his shoulders. So fucking expressive. “I’ve been trying to quit but the world keeps tempting me. Seriously fucking tempting me. I mean, what are the odds that I’d ask to bum one and you just so happen to smoke my brand?” 

What are the odds indeed. 

Jean mentally thanks his lucky lighter. 

“I’m Eren, by the way.” 

Jean swallows and takes a drag, feels the nicotine invading his lungs and it calms him down. Which is good, he needs calm with the way his heart is thudding. “Jean.” 

Eren hums and clicks his tongue, mutters, “ _Jean_ …” Like he’s savoring every individual letter and tasting each component. 

Jean doesn’t know him but he’s pretty sure that mouth should be some sort of sin and- and he feels like a fucking perv. Like an old man mentally creeping on the hot little piece of ass jogging by. But he can’t help himself. He really can’t. 

He’s so, so doomed. 

“There’s one I’ve never heard before… Where’d you get a name like that?” That hypnotic blue-green-gold gaze focuses on Jean. 

Jean’s swallowed up before he can help himself but it’s fine. It’s going to be okay because he doesn’t intend for this to be the only time he drowns and suffocates in those eyes. “What if I tell you over lunch and give you something to look forward to for, say, tomorrow?” 

If there’s one thing he’s learned in the short amount of time they’ve been talking, Jean’s learned that Eren is expressive. Has the ability to speak through minor facial changes and eye contact. The guy probably can’t lie to save his life but, Jean gets this feeling that Eren’s not the lying type. He also gets the feeling that Eren’s not like anyone he’s ever met before but that’s not a bad thing. 

He really, really hopes it’s not a bad thing. 

Because the look on Eren’s face is so fucking enticing. The rosy blush that clings to tan cheeks. That doe-eyed and surprised stare that’s threaded with confusion and wonder and something Jean can’t put his finger on but he likes it all the same. And then those lips… lips that open and close and open before a tongue swipes across the bottom and pave the way for teeth to chew at the right corner. 

God, he’s beautiful. Eren’s beautiful and Jean wants to covet him. 

But that’s weird as fuck. He knows. It’s so fucking weird to be overcome by emotions like that. To want something or to be drawn to someone so strongly that all mental process give way to real-time physical reactions. 

It’s a good sort of terrifying. 

“I-” Eren glances at the girl at the coffee pagoda and Jean follows his gaze. 

She’s staring and when she meets Eren’s gaze, her lips tug into this soft, encouraging smile. 

Jean could cry. 

“I- yeah. Alright. Lunch. Tomorrow… um… where…” Eren trails off –sounds so uncertain for the first time since they’ve started speaking. 

It’s the cutest fucking thing in the world. From sexy to cute and- definitely. 

Jean is definitely doomed if he can make this happen. “Can you meet me out here around three tomorrow? And can I have your number?” 

Eren takes a second to take a long drag from his cigarette. His exhale is shaky but a bit of confidence slips into his tone when he says, “Yes –to both.” He stands up and bends over, pulls his cellphone out of his combat boot and stares at Jean expectantly –cautiously. 

Jean rattles off his number and saves Eren in his contacts as soon as the text comes in. 

“Then, I’ll see you later, yeah.” 

“Definitely.” 

That’s how Jean meets the guy that his body and mind crave without rhyme or reason. The guy he falls in love with at first sight. 

It’s the start of a journey he never even thought he’d take but he still jumps in. Heart first. 

  
  


* * *

#####  II. 

* * *

  
  


There’s old lore that’s been a little lost with the progression of society that Jean easily remembers when he gets home that night. It’s something his mother used to tell him when he was a brat too hyped up on sugar and life and living to really care about then but he thinks he should’ve paid more attention because it would come in handy now. 

It **_will_ ** come in handy now. ****

See, when he was that age and would ask his my mom why she loved his dad –why everyone could see it in every action or hear it with every word spoken. She would laugh and run her hands through his hair before picking him up and sitting him on her knee, “Because he’s my soul mate.” 

One time, he was curious enough to ask in one breath, “How do you know and what’s a soul mate and does everybody have one or is it just you and papa and-” 

His mom had laughed and stared with soft honey hued eyes, “Hmm… well… soul mates are becoming an obsolete thing, what with the youth choosing to defy a predestined future but, your soul mate is your other half. Your perfect match. And, you know you’ve met your soul mate if their symbol matches your own. Some people –some very rare and lucky people can actually feel the connection long before they’re able to confirm if one exists. Your dad is one of those lucky people. He was so aggressive and eager –just walked right up to me and said ‘You’re the love of my life’.” 

Jean’s face had scrunched up with a frown because that sounded so uncool. So, so uncool. “What’d’ya do?” 

“Honestly, I used to be one of those people who wanted to defy destiny. But, you can’t defy destiny, honey. You just can’t. Which I learned that day because I’d fully prepared to laugh at your papa and keep walking with my friends but I couldn’t. I just… I couldn’t walk away. It was like something clicked inside of me and- I won’t tell you that I felt what your papa felt as soon as he saw me but there was something. And I was curious enough to want to see what that something was.” 

“And then what?” 

“And then I told him ‘There’s a lot of life left, are you sure you want to spend it with someone you don’t even know?’ and he didn’t even flinch before saying, ‘Absolutely. I don’t need to know you to know that you’re more than I deserve and all that I’ll ever need’. See, your papa has always been a romantic sap. Lucky for him, he’s got good looks and the charm to back it up.” 

“Wait. Wait, wait, wait… so this soul mate thing… Everyone has one and everyone has a mark or symbol or whatever?” 

“Everyone. Even you. That’s why you have that birthmark on the bottom of your foot. Somewhere out in the world, there’s a person that has the same exact birthmark.” 

“Ew… someone has the same weird constellation thinger on their foot as me?” 

“Yes. But, I want you to be a free spirit, Jean. I don’t want you to spend your life looking for your soul mate. It’s less common for people to follow that way of life anyway so, just live and be happy.” 

“I am happy… Can I go play now?” 

“Of course.” She’d sat him down and he’d darted out of the house. 

But he never forgot that conversation. 

Not that he really could because the soul mate thing boomed and became this big deal when he was in junior high and died out by the time he was in college. 

That aside, his dad is a proud man –proud of every accomplishment and feat and triumph. According to that man, his mother was and is the best thing that ever happened to him (with Jean being a close second). Growing up, his dad always boasted about his mom being his forever. Always. And Jean would think “lucky for them” but he fully believed the whole soul mate bit to be a crock of shit. 

He never gave into the hype because he’s a realist and, realistically, there are far too many fucking people on the planet for one lone person to weed out the one that’s supposed to be their other half. Furthermore, who the fuck has the time or patience to hold onto that sort of hope? Who? 

So Jean took the path of his young mother and he lived his life. Happily. 

He didn’t subscribe to the theory of a predestined other (even with the proof of his parents and friends staring him in the face). He didn’t go out into the world looking (although, he dated and loved and fell out of love and had his heartbroken and then repaired a dozen times over). He didn’t hope or pray or wish upon stars to find and stitch himself to the one meant just for him. 

Jean didn’t do any of those things. 

And then Eren appears out of bum-fuck nowhere and Jean knows. He knows with an absolution that drives him a little fucking crazy given his previous doubt. 

He knows that Eren is his soul mate. Can feel it on this molecular level that seeps into the bones and courses through the blood stream. 

It’s so fucking bizarre. All of the feelings that come with encountering “the one” –the overpowering elations and giddiness that he has to contain and control. The attraction that’s something otherworldly –one of those things that words can’t and won’t ever be efficient enough to describe or depict and trying to do so is pointless. The physiological responses that no amount of control can set into order but Jean’s good at masking it. Has a poker face for the worst and best situations. 

What’s really mind boggling is the fact that it’s love. 

One of those pure emotions that need to be fostered and nurtured and blossomed slowly but it doesn’t work that way when it comes to a soul mate (apparently). Instead of a leisurely and lethargic build up like Jean’s used to experiencing –like he knows-, love hits him like a tidal wave crashing down and bowling him over. Or like an acid that burns and corrodes him from the inside out. 

It’s really something else and- and he’s surprised. 

By everything. 

By Eren. 

By destiny. 

Jean’s surprised. 

But he’s mostly certain that Eren’s in the dark. About everything. 

So the next best thing is to convince Eren without coming on too strong and scaring him away or freaking him right the fuck out. After all, not everyone still believes in the whole “soul mate” and “matching symbol” hype. And trying to convince someone who’s not one of the sensor types… well… Jean’s sure he has his work cut out for him but, he’s dated before. 

He knows how to do this. 

Mostly.  


* * *

* * *

* * *

  


“Tell me it gets easier to deal with.” 

“ _What, exactly, gets easier to deal with?”_ Sasha’s eating so her words come out a little mushy and wet sounding (it’s really fucking disgusting) but he needs to talk to someone and he’s not in the mood for his parents. 

Sasha it is. 

“I- uh… I found my soul mate.” 

The line is quiet for a full minute and then there’s a yowl that makes Jean’s ears ring. “ _Jean-boo, tell me you’re not joking!”_

Jean sighs and runs a hand over his face. He wishes he could’ve called Marco but Marco’s off on his honeymoon so… “It’s the truth. I met him today when I went out for a fucking smoke break. He was just- I look up and he’s there and my whole body reacts on it’s own and- Is it always this _intense_?” 

Sasha hums and Jean can picture her twirling her hair around her index finger. “ _Yes and no. I mean, you never really stop feeling like they’re your world. Whether you’re arguing or making love or separated by oceans, there’s just this connection that never fades and sizzles right beneath the skin. I dunno, sounds cheesy but that’s the only way to describe it. It gets worse after the first time you have sex but then it sort of… hmm… mellows out._ ” 

Damn. He was right from the start. He’s doomed. 

“ _But, it’s not unpleasant. Like, you know that you’re forever loved and there’s always this person who will make you feel complete on your darkest days. Seriously. Connie makes the good days incredible and the awful days tolerable and I’ve never had better sex, Jean._ ” 

“So this is it then? Because, he’s all I’ve been able to think about since I met him and I couldn’t concentrate on my project and- fuck. Fuck! You know I never planned for this.” 

She laughs this sweet, understanding sort of laugh that puts him at ease. “ _No one does but, it’s only like that until you snag him. Um… like, my mom used to say that, once your hearts align or something, it makes it all way easy. And it is. I mean, sometimes me and Connie can have a whole conversation without saying a word but we’re just on the same page or agree to disagree and- and it’s that sort of easy. And then there’s the sex-_ ” 

“I know.” Because he’s watched them say a shit ton without saying a goddamn word and he’s (sadly) heard them having sex. So he knows more than he should but that’s what best friends are for. 

“ _I’m just saying. But, I’m so happy for you, Jean-boo! Especially since you thought the soul mate thing was bullshit._ ” 

More like he **_wanted_** it to be bullshit to spare his sanity. But he doesn’t say that. Instead, he says, “Thanks, Sash. I’ll call you when I have this figured out, alright.” 

“ _For sure. Just- Be you, Jean-boo! You’re a catch under everyone’s standards so- even if this doesn’t work like you want it to or you’re wrong or whatever happens, just know that you’re kind of the shit and anyone will be lucky to snag you!_ ” 

That- That right there makes him smile and remember why he loves her. “For sure. Love you, Sash.” 

“ _All of my love and luck to you, Jean-boo! Keep me updated._ ” 

When the line dies he flops down on his bed and stares at the ceiling. Eren’s face flashes in his mind and he thinks about that lingering look before Eren agreed to lunch. 

He might just have his work cut out for him. 

  


* * *

* * *

* * *

  


“I haven’t done this in a while-” 

“Done what?” 

“Gone on a date.” 

“So that’s what this is.” 

Eren laughs and punches Jean’s arm. Looks beautiful when he runs his hands through his hair. “I’m being serious, you dick.” 

Jean knows that much but he really wanted to see that smile and lighten the conversation. Just a bit. “Okay, be serious. You haven’t done this in a while…” 

Just like that, Eren does sober up and the smile falls off his face so quickly, Jean gets whiplash. “Yeah. I um. I really tried to think of a way to get out of this lunch. I mean, I knew what I was doing when I said yes and I thought I was ready but I don’t think I am. I don’t think I can do this. But I want to. I- I got this crazy vibe from you when I met you. ‘s the reason I couldn’t say no to lunch or you or- yeah. But- but I don’t think I can do this. To you.” 

Jean takes a breath and wishes that they’d sat on the patio so that he could smoke and calm his nerves because he feels a little numb. Not the sort where he can’t feel his limbs but the “I’m having an out of body experience” sort because it sounds like his soul mate is dumping him. Eren’s dumping him before they even finish the first date and Jean’s mind is screaming “what the fuck” but his mouth says- 

“What do you mean that you ‘can’t do this to me’?” Seriously. What the fuck does that mean? 

Blue/green/gold eyes lock onto honey as Eren runs a shaky hand through his hair. His face is closing off at an alarming rate and if Jean thought he was expressive… well… unexpressive Eren is frighteningly gorgeous for a completely different set of reasons. “I’m damaged goods, Jean. And I’m not talking about some bullshit, childish, broken heart that can’t be fixed because someone fucked me over or dumped me or both.” 

Damaged goods but not because he was fucked over… Jean thinks he can deal with that. Which he says. 

And Eren laughs something venomous and bitter –like bile stuck in the throat. “I’ll tell you and if you still want to try out whatever the fuck it is you’re looking for in me, fine.” He rolls his shoulders and pulls up the sleeve of his black shirt –bares his right wrist where the faint outline of an intricate design is etched into otherwise unblemished tan skin. “Three years ago, my soul mate died. I’m 29 and he found me when I was about 17 so, we had a good couple of years together. The best and worst years of my fucking life. You know, they say when your soul mate dies, you follow. No questions. None. And I felt like I wanted to die. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. For the first year. And then it just sort of faded and it freaked me the fuck out. Not dying scared the shit out of me. So I would do these things and put myself in these situations and –and it’s like fucking fate is against me for some reason because nothing I do, or did, worked.” 

Jean wants to look away and break the spell of Eren’s gaze so that he can think but he can’t. He can’t look away and his throat feels choked up and closed and- holy shit. What the fuck. What the fuck! 

“So, I’m damaged and you only know the surface shit. Bare minimum. But, if I were you, I’d run far the fuck away because- yeah, I decided to try and get back out there but I don’t think I’m ready and, at the same time, I met you and there’s something about you that I get this gut feeling about… Mikasa, my sister who works at the coffee pagoda, she always tells me to follow my gut. She’s intuitive like that and- and I know this is a lot of shit I’m laying on you but I think it’s fair. I’m not here to waste your time just because I feel like following my gut.” 

Ah, fuck… Jean’s in love. So very in love because, instead of “run”, his brain is thinking “fix”. Instead of “back-off”, he feels like “coveting” –like taking Eren and making him forget all about the soul mate he lost and- 

Wait. 

How the fuck is that possible? 

Jean’s 100 percent certain and without a single doubt that Eren is his soul mate so… what? 

Is it possible for a person to have two soul mates? 

Is that a thing? 

Whatever the case, Jean’s determined to make Eren his because he only has the one soul mate and he loves him. Is smitten and prepared to dive in for the long haul. 

See, he’s the only soul mate that matters now and forever and, soon enough, Eren’ll be on the same page. 

So he steels his resolve and grabs Eren’s hand, doesn’t break eye contact- “We’ll take all of this one day at a time. I mean, fuck, it’s the first date. Save the breaking of my heart for our first anniversary, alright?” 

The smile that lights up Eren’s face makes Jean feel complete and that scares the shit out of him. 

  


* * *

* * *

* * *

  


Turns out, multiple soul mates is a _thing_. 

One rare person in history had four. A few other rarities were symbol-less –had bodies with not a single dot. But having two soul mates… that’s the most common rarity. 

According to the experts, some people are naturally meant to live short lives to fulfill their own purpose and others aren’t but it doesn’t mean that the heart can’t belong to another. Or that it doesn’t. Some couplings are just meant to be polyamorous but that’s even rarer than a person who has two soul mates for two different points in their life and- 

And Jean does all of that research just to make sure that he’s not wrong about Eren. 

To make sure that he can fix him and erase the one that came before him. 

  
  


* * *

**TBC**

* * *


	2. The First Love Stings Like A Sonuvabitch But It Makes The Second Kinda Precious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Which: Eren reflects on love lost and love returned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all mostly guessed it: Armin for the win!
> 
> This one is still for you, [Laylay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laynacakes/pseuds/laynacakes)! All of the love times 10!!

* * *

#####  I. 

* * *

  
  


It’s literal love at first sight. 

One of those things that Eren would never believe to be a truth or a reality but it is, which he only realizes when he looks back. Remembers the first time they meet. 

It happens the instant he glances up into frightened and anxious crystalline cobalt eyes. There’s something about that quivering gaze that makes Eren’s heart palpitate uncontrollably –makes his pulse spazz and jerk and resound in his ears. He openly stares and then he moves into action. Fends off the bullies backing the owner of that sharp glance into a corner. 

Three against two. Or rather, one because Eren does all of the work and he wins but it’s a struggle that leaves him bruised, battered, and with a split lip. 

And then he’s being carefully tended to. 

Soft small hands turning his head. Dizzying blue worriedly darting up, down, side to side. Golden blond hair sways and blows with the wind. And then there’s that frown… 

Eren’s heart tugs and his gut twists. 

“I’m so sorry but- but I wasn’t worth this. I’m not…” It’s a boy. 

The most gorgeous boy that Eren has ever seen in all 17 years of his life. 

And he can’t find his words –wouldn’t be able to speak them even if he could because his throat feels tight and his mind is in utter disarray. 

“I don’t live far from here. Come with me,” The boy stands and tugs Eren up and offers a shy yet oddly confident smile that makes the dingy alley seem a bit brighter. “I’m Armin, by the way. You?” 

Eren swallows and works his mouth a few times before finally, “Eren.” 

Armin nods and says, “Eren,” like he’s committing the name to memory by imprinting the word on his tongue. “I’m sorry we had to meet like this, Eren.” 

Well, that only makes one of them. Eren doesn’t care how they met but he’s glad that they did. And now that his throat seems to be working- “It’s okay. I’m used to fighting.” Because he is. And he’s not usually alone but today is an exception to that. 

Armin frowns and Eren wants to hold his hand. So he does. “You shouldn’t be –used to it, I mean.” 

Eren just hums but he doesn’t comment. There’s nothing to really say about that. And Armin doesn’t push him, just guides him to wherever and Eren follows. Blindly. 

So it’s love at first sight but, at that age, Eren’s just knows that Armin’s eyes are beautifully hypnotic and he can’t get enough of them. 

  
  


* * *

#####  II. 

* * *

  
  


Eren _understands_ that he’s in love with that first, tentative kiss. 

Surprisingly, Armin’s the one who initiates it. 

But Eren’s probably wanted to forever. 

They’re 18 and huddled together outside –snuck out of the bunks after lights out. The moon is bright and big and gorgeous. Gives Armin’s milk white skin this eerie glow. It’s humid and hot –the sort of weather that makes the skin sticky and damp as hair clings and mats. Almost makes touching unbearable. 

Almost. 

But Eren doesn’t mind touching Armin. Has never minded touching Armin and the same can be said vice versa. Whether it’s an arm around the shoulders or arms pressed together or a hug or just hanging all over one another because they can, Eren has always enjoyed touching Armin. It lets him know that he’s there and real and something tangible. 

Especially since boarding school seems like something so far outside of reality that it’s stifling. 

So touching… touching Armin brings him back. 

“I can’t sleep,” Those words are soft and lofty as Armin falls into Eren’s space. Props his head on a sturdy lap and stares with vibrant blue eyes. 

Eren’s trapped before he knows it. “You can never sleep before a test, not that you have to worry.” Because Armin is too smart for his own good but lacks the confidence to back it up, which Eren tells him. 

It makes Armin laugh. “Well, you have enough confidence for the both of us.” 

The look in those blue eyes –something hot and smoldering that prickles at the skin- makes Eren’s blood rush. Reminds him of himself (who he is and what he’s capable of). Armin’s always good at that. But, for all of the confidence in the world, Eren can’t bring himself to reach out and grab the things that he really wants. “Sometimes, not all of the time.” 

Armin hums thoughtfully before his lips tug up into this soft and sweet sort of smile, “That’s where I pick up the slack.” He cups Eren’s cheek, draws him down, down, down- 

Eren’s breath catches in his throat –chest tight and pulse racing as Armin’s breath fans across the seam of his lips. 

“I’ve wanted to do this for a very long time.” 

When their lips meet (a gentle press of pillow soft pink against chapped rose), Eren’s world melts away and reforms anew. He swears his heart stops and kick starts when Armin’s hand slips away and space slips back between them. His head spins and his vision blurs but not enough to distort the uncertainty creeping into pitiless azure eyes and- “I love you. Or, well, I’m in love with you.” That’s the first thing Eren thinks to say as he sits up and stares, heart beating so hard it hurts. Those are probably the only words that’ll quell that hesitation lodged in Armin’s gaze. 

Must be if Armin’s cheeks turn rouge and he looks so… so humbled and happy, yes, but not surprised. “I knew you would be.” 

“How?” The word sounds dumb and clunky falling from his mouth because Eren didn’t think he was that transparent. 

But Armin doesn’t seem to mind, he just sits up and gestures to Eren’s right wrist, the one with that gorgeously intricate design emblazoned into olive hued flesh. The mark of a soul mate that Eren wears ever so proudly and gets teased about more often than not. Armin removes the leather band he always keeps snug around his own wrist and shows Eren, flush creeping down his neck and making his gut churn. “I- um- I didn’t think it was real. I thought that, maybe, just maybe you’d only like me because of the mark. Because you knew it was something that was supposed to be and I don’t like thinking that things are _supposed to be_ so I waited and wanted and- and- I love you so much, Ere.” 

Eren could’ve died happy. Instead, he licked his lips, grinned wolfishly, and uttered, “Yeah. I love you too.” 

The second kiss isn’t as sweet. It’s carnal and sloppy and bruising but oh so tender. Everything that Eren encompasses and more. 

It’s confirmation that he’s in love –has found the love of his life. 

  
  


* * *

#####  III. 

* * *

  
  


Eren knows heaven when he finds it. Because he knows heaven –lived, breathed, and loved it- that’s also the reason why he knows Hell. Is intimately familiar with both in a way that he wishes he weren’t. 

And it hurts so fucking much. 

An overwhelming anguish that accumulates and internalizes with nowhere to go, just sits and stews –that’s fucking Hell. 

But, before the fire and brimstone that consumes him and leaves him as little more than a pile of ill begotten ash, Eren knows heaven. Or knew it. Found it in Armin’s joy: after they graduated, when they bought their condo, the afternoon Eren got his dream job (feels far away now), when Armin got his, the night Eren proposed, their wedding day, and the love making that followed every and any happy occasion shared between the two of them. It was lodged in the depths of cobalt corneas and the quirk of plush pink lips. It was the irrevocable sweetness twisted and tied to every word uttered or sound tugged from Armin’s mouth. Or even the snatches of time that made the world stop spinning on it’s axis while fading to the background leaving just the two of them. 

**_That_** was Heaven. 

And, fuck that –Heaven WAS Armin. 

So Hell… was everything that came after. 

That deafening moment when they were at home, Armin was cooking dinner (humming a bit off-key in between talking about his latest novel), and then he was collapsing to the ground in a boneless heap. Wasn’t moving, didn’t even look like he was breathing. Nothing. And, in that moment, everything came to a halt. Eren doesn’t remember darting into the kitchen or picking Armin up but he definitely remembers feeling utterly helpless. In **_that_** moment… in that moment, Eren had never been scared so shitless… 

Little did he know. 

Soon enough, he was privileged with the notion of true fear –of true Hell. The hospital. The beeping of monitors and stench of antiseptics. The hospital gown that Armin’s pale and frail body drowned beneath. The tubes strung through and around Armin that kept him a semblance of himself. It was the small shared room and then the single hospice room and- 

And Hell was the doctor saying three months when, in all reality, it was two weeks. 

So yeah, Eren knows Heaven. Gets submerged in Hell. Staggers and stumbles through limbo when his heart didn’t give out from the sheer agony that settled comfortably at his core when the love of his life was ripped from him. Life gets chalked up as one big ass, dull, gray emptiness until after that. Eren couldn’t function to the point where hours, days, and weeks all blended into one because- because, what the ever loving fuck? What the fuck was he supposed to do without Armin- with the fact that his world had been snatched away? What was he doing alive and living and moving forward when the only thought that clung and clawed at his mind was “ _I want to die”_? 

And then there was Jean; the answer to all of those questions wrapped up in a neat little package. 

Just the thought is enough to make Eren smile. 

Funny thing, how life works out like that. The horrible, ironic sort of humor that really pisses him off but, at the same time, it’s what saves him. 

See, the thing about going to Hell or getting caught in Limbo is that, sometimes, there’s salvation. That bright fucking light at the end of the tunnel. That’s the thing that knowing Heaven prepared him for. 

And that- Eren finds salvation, or rather, salvation definitely finds him on the day he meets Jean. 

Ah, but, the irony… Eren thinks the ironic bit is the fact that he was fully prepared to die on that day. After three years of an empty and desolate life passed him by, he hadn’t saw the point. So there was a whole check-list of things that he was going to do “one last time”. Visiting his sister at work was at the top of the list because she deserved some kind of something. A jilted farewell that wouldn’t seem like a “goodbye” until he was gone (melodramatic as all hell but he didn’t want her to worry or talk him out of it or anything along those lines but he was selfish enough to want to see her). 

So… Yeah… life was… pointless. Without Armin. Without the other piece of his soul. 

And Eren wanted his last hurrah. A parting cigarette at the park near his sister’s job –one of those things that he took for granted and used to love. A final glance at the mocking blue sky or bustling world that would keep moving long after he was gone. 

Eren was ready. So, so ready to just be done. 

Or, well, that was what he’d thought then. 

And then he caught sight of Jean and everything inside of him click clacked into place as though it were meant to be. His entire being had jolted and plunged and sparked and- and then Jean asked the simplest question, “ _Either of you happen to have a light?”_ And- well- fuck. 

Fuck. 

Fuck the world for making Jean- for creating a person (another _person_ ) that could make his heart pulsate and fracture and rebuild in an instant with one glance and a tenor that nearly broke him in the best of ways. To the point where he was overwhelmed and nauseated but couldn’t get enough. 

He knows just that much the instant their eyes meet but absolutely can’t deny it when Jean speaks because Eren _feels._ He _feels._ Jean _makes_ him **_feel_** and- god… he’s been craving feeling for so long and that little taste of the purest fruit is addictive. Like being submerged beneath ocean waves and coming up for air. 

Eren gets it. 

In the time it takes for honey-brown to lock onto teal- Eren absolutely understands what happens. Can’t deny the way his spine tingles or how his soul tugs in anticipation because- yeah. He’s been there before but he can’t- he doesn’t- 

Wasn’t going to because he was supposed to end everything **_that day_** but Jean… just the utterance of that sentence (“ _Either of you happen to have a light?”_ ) has him reacting. 

Eren’s hooked on sensation as soon as it hits him and he reacts. His mouth and body moving so effortlessly to match Jean’s invisible tempo. And it’s terrifying. Like, the scariest shit only second to the loss of his soulmate. Terrifying because he just slips into easy conversation –talks and- and flirts because Jean makes it easy. Makes him **_feel_**. 

And then there’s his sister backing him. Encouraging everything. “He’s not Armin but that’s not a bad thing,” Is what Mikasa quips when she beckons for him. How she knows anything at that point is beside Eren but she’s always been so fucking perceptive- “He’s not Armin but, you have the right to love and be loved. It’s your destiny and it’s what he wanted for you after him.” 

When she’d said that, he’d laughed a bit hysterically because his emotions were on the fucking fritz and she was absolutely right. Armin was the first person to spot the marks –the “constellation” on the bottom of his foot. Armin was also the first person to think something of them and- and like always, he was right. 

Even beyond the grave. 

Eren could’ve cried then and there. 

“Take one more chance on life, Eren. You of all people deserve it.” Her pitiless onyx eyes had bored into him as though she’d answered the ultimate question and, in a way, she had. 

She was the one who gave him the courage to accept salvation. 

To accept Jean. To allow himself to fall and love or to be loved so tenderly it made him want to dissolve into a pile of mush. 

Which, turns out, is probably the second best choice that he’s ever made. Second best when he thinks about everything that came before. 

But, eventually, _the before_ will be a pleasant memory and _the now_ will be all that matters. 

And they’re working on that. 

See, life is ironically comedic because Jean has the patience of a saint and the ever approaching _eventually_ doesn’t scare Eren as much as he initially thought that it would. 

After all, Jean is meant to complete him –to repair his soul and fulfill his life for as long as time will keep them. 

So far, so good. 

  
  


* * *

**TBC**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back, bitches!!!! Yassssss! It's been a horrible writer's slump and no computer for about seven months (which was the absolute worst)! And I could give you guys a billion excuses but, instead, I'll just start posting fics as an apology! 
> 
> I've got all of these plans too, like a Jean/Eren/Armin fic and Mermaid fic and some sequels to things already written... it's going to be a great next couple of months, I'm so excited!!!
> 
> Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed and, as always, if you dug it, drop me a line (we'll chat and I don't bite)! Thank you so much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the first part! As for Eren's dead lover... that's revealed in the next part (and I won't spoil it in the tags)!!!!
> 
> Anywho, you guys know what to do: If you dug it, drop me a line or hit that kudos button! Thanks for reading and feel free to talk to me, I don't bite!!!!


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